Surgery update

I knew there was a reason to dread this surgery....it has been a tough 48 hours but I think we turned a corner this morning.

We went in Monday morning for surgery scheduled at 11:00 am.  This was the first time Hudson got teary being wheeled away from us...that was heartbreaking but as he gets older and knows what is ahead of him it is expected.  He was in surgery about an hour once they got started.  The hospital has this cool board in the cafeteria and waiting room that is coded with your child's initials and it keeps families updated as to what stage they are at (scapel for surgery, stitches for stitching up and a bandaid for procedure complete).  It also gives you the time of when they were wheeled in the OR and recovery.  After four surgeries and having this for the first time we found this comforting.   The surgeon came out and talked to us and told us we would be called back in about ten minutes.  After about 30 minutes went by I started to have flashbacks to here...it was one of those times you just "know"...after another 20 minutes I asked about him and she called back.  A few minutes later they came and got us and my feeling was right.  He again struggled so hard, there was blood everywhere and two nurses were monitoring him.  He had stabalized to the point they could let us back but it again was SO hard to see him struggling and having to watch them sunction him every few mnutes.  We stayed in recovery for several hours while they debated again about sending us to the PICU.  FINALLY, we were sent up to a regular room and were settled in about 5.  Just to let you know, his struggle after both p-flap and palate surgery isn't really related to those surgeries...more so to his very small airway, the reason we were SO nervous about p-flap to begin with.  


I had been warned by several p-flap is a harder recovery then palate repair (and he also had a lip revision and rhinoplasty done at the same time and his repair)...they were right.  After his palate repair he slept peacefully all night and was playing the next day.  Monday night was miserable.  I don't think either of us slept more than 10-20 min at a time.  He was on morphine and loritab and nothing seemed to dent the pain.  Of course he couldn't breath well and didn't want to eat or drink.  The most heart breaking part though was he would not let me comfort him.  In all past surgeries he has wanted me to sleep with him in his bed but not this time.  He would cry for me then push me away, tell me "stop it" when I touched him, but then cry for me.  I think he was just so miserable and RX's may have been affecting him a bit.  Finally at 5 am he asked me to hold him so I climbed into his bed and he snuggled in and said "i love you"......oh sweet boy.  I know as parents we struggle with "am I doing the right thing"...even when we KNOW they need these surgeries and it was "part" of it but it sure is hard to feel good about it during those times.   We were released and home by noon but the rest of the day and last night was still hard.  He hasn't wanted to eat or drink although he is so hungry and the same with taking his pain meds.  He was also still so out of it and told me last night "I just want to go home, I don't like the hospital"....even though we were snuggled up in the living room.  

(this is pretty much been the stance for the last two days if he hasn't been crying or sleeping, pitiful boy)

BUT...we see the light, he took his medicine through tears this morning but didn't fight and has been drinking on his own and even played a bit with dad.  It will be a week of laying low but that is so fine by me...I am enjoying NOT being able to go anywhere.  

Hudson's teacher sent me this yesterday...it almost got a smile out of him...

Thanks for those that have prayed for us....I know you do.  We have such sweet friends here who have dropped off gifts, offered meals and are good about checking in on us.  Always hard in times like this not to be close to family but the big kids are so good at taking care of themselves and each other now that I can really focus on Hudson.