Saying Goodbye....

Saying a final goodbye to my mom today..........I miss her so much already!

Thankful Thursday in the midst of grief..

Some of you know I flew to MN Saturday to be with my mom who had taken a sudden and unexpected turn for the worse. I was able to get here in time for her to be aware of my arrival and have a few short dialogues with her over the next day....she has now been unresponsive for over 48 hours, before that she was in and out of consciousness. After a very hard period yesterday afternoon she has entered a state of restful peace. It has been extremely difficult to watch her struggle so much as her body fought to give her oxygen.

She is in Hospice care so my brothers, my sister and I have been her caretakers and as honored as we have been to be able to care for her in this way and at home which is what she wanted it has also been so exhausting. I am living on pretty much no sleep as I wake every hour to give her her medicine. Most nights sleep does not come in the 60 minutes between. My two sister-in-laws were saints and came to spend a night with her so I could sleep.

I have not been blogging regularly for awhile as I have been grieving the loss of the incredible friendship I have had with her all my adult years. At first I didn't realize I was grieving and just thought I was in an awful funk. She has slowly withdrawn from us since I left MN in June and although we talked she was pretty distant. I now know this is so common 1-3 months prior to a person's death with an illness such as cancer. The last few times I called prior to arriving Saturday she didn't want to talk with me. She read my blog faithfully and I just couldn't blog about my life without sharing where I was at and I didn't want to do that knowing she might read it.

What I do know and am so thankful for was how at peace she was with where she would be once she left us. We did the Esther study together last winter when I lived here and she shared very openly and honestly with me how she did not fear dying at all, just would miss us so much but we know she won't as there is no sadness in heaven. I picture here now strolling through His incredible gardens and she will be BLOWN AWAY. I am EXCITED for her!!!!!!!!

We have also had so much laugher with my siblings and dad....it is amazing how coming together during something like this makes us go to a level that hasn't been there before. It is beautiful to see my dad so tenderely love her even now and sit with him as he openly cries and lets her go....he has always been a tough man but such a tender one too.

I will FOREVER be grateful for our trip with them to China. Those are memories that are such a part of Hudson's story and he dearly loved his mema in the 1 1/2 years he knew her. Thank heavens he still has his Nanny in Texas.

I again, covet your prayers for our family. I truly believe mom is gone and her body is just instinctually fighting to keep going. I miss my family in Texas and will be so sad to miss probably Jordan's last soccer games ever as their team is at State this Friday and Saturday (that is another story for another time). Hudson is here with me and it has been hard to care for him and my mom. He brings us laughter though and says "tomorrow he will go play with Mema outside".

THANKFULLY we have a Savior who brings us great comfort and strength and we know we will be together again.