First of all....this is what we were doing FOUR years ago today....
Our last day in Beijing before we flew to Lanzhou...we would meet Hudson that night!
Our first sight of him...total love...for us anyway!!
happy in Ayi's arms
so NOT happy in mine!
hiding behind the bed, only coaxed out by cheerios
really not happy with the whole bubble, toy, food thing...
FINALLY feel asleep after several hours of such sadness...and he wouldn't let us comfort him...but I had my little asian babe and all would be ok...
And now, since it has been over a month since I promised you the rest of the story I will finish.....I actually was pleasantly suprised that I even had any readers....and all my favorite bloggers. :) I have been keeping up with all of you even if I don't always comment. And thanks Kristi for the "nudge" yesterday. Just what I needed!!!
OK....so Hudson came home and we started our new normal. I was living a dream come true.. every day I was looking into those BEAUTIFUL almond shaped eyes, kissing those oh so soft checks and was able to be mom to one of the sweetest (and funniest) boys put on this earth. I had a hard time grasping that my dream to adopt had become a reality and I daily STILL thank the Lord for giving me one of the desires of my heart...but the wrestling continued. I pictured myself going back again and again to China, or some other nation, to bring home more babes. Mark began researching jobs in China, India and other places...... but life has a way of happening, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and that took us moving to MN for 7 months to love on her and live a life around grandparents that my kids have never had. That also opened up a Pandora's box for my older son, Jordan. I have always meant to write about our journey with him over the last 4 years but it never seemed "finished".....and still isn't but I will tell you.....I am SO proud of who he is and how he has chosen to live his life. In fact we are headed out later this morning to College Station for Parent's Weekend at A&M. I do intend to have pictures and his story soon. Back to the point...as much as I prayed and waited for God to open up the doors for the mission field and more orphans added to our family the answer has always been "no"....and I got very frustrated and as I look back now, probably a little depressed. I would in anger cry out to God "WHY?????? I talk to people ALL the time who are NOT interested in either the orphans or the mission field, life is way to comfortable for them to think about the needs of others and holy cow.....the fact that they might to need to live life with a little sacrifice is unthinkable...that whole American Dream thing....see, even now that bitterness still is seeping out.
It was also during this time I found Katie's Blog...(I have this thing with blogs...if I find one I REALLY resonate with I HAVE to go back to the very beginning and read it ALL...it is like a book to me and I really can't start in the middle of the book) and yes...for ALL Of you (you know who you are) I have read yours from day one. Thru Katie I heard about David Platt and began listening to his Radical Pod casts...way before he had written the book. I had also read Crazy Love and as you know if you have read any ONE of those things there is a common theme. That combined with my In the Light of Eternity mindset I was about ready to burst. I will NEVER forget the night....I was in my room wrestling with God again (thankful he didn't break my hip but I think He was getting close)....pretty much telling him off and letting him know I was NOT happy with Him....I finally said "I AM WILLING TO BE RADICAL FOR YOU, WHY WILL YOU NOT LET ME??" There, I said it..then I just was quiet...(I am sure He was saying...."finally"..... )........and then I heard it....the way I always hear Him....like a Father with a teenager who doesn't really get it, because they really do know so much about the world and this is just dad being dad. He said....."I AM calling you to be radical, I am giving you orphans and the lost and a mission field....but you have to be willing to go where I want you to go....or in your case STAY......".....my response..."WHAT???....STAY????....side note here, as much as I LOVE Texas I am NOT crazy about where we live in N Texas. Mark and I planned on being here 3-5 years, it was a stepping stone and we even tried to move off once, had our house on the market, contract in the works, Mark was one of two final attorney's being considered for a fabulous job in San Antonio...and as I was about an hour away from signing a contract on a house in HEAVENLY New Braunfels in the same neighborhood as our dear friends...it all fell thru, our buyers backed out and Mark didn't get the job....UGHHH!!!! SO....the thought of making this a permanent place to live had not been on my radar. We moved here when Kailee was a year old so it pretty much is all my kids know but again....NOT MY choice. Back to the Lord....I just sat there in shock and that is when He said "you are so willing to be radical and live sacrificially if it fits inside YOUR box, looks like YOU want it to look and I have been waiting and waiting for you to say....I'll live radical anywhere and in any way you ask me to...and now I am asking you to live on the mission field HERE.....and if you say Yes, if you are really sincere about being radical....then be prepared to do what I ask of you. SO....after some quiet reflection on all of that...I became broken...saw my pride and selfishness and finally surrendered to HIM and WHATEVER and WHEREVER He wanted to use me.
SO................I began to really consider something that had been asked of me here and there over the last couple years, began to ask Him if that was IT? As you know I have been part of the Pregnancy Care Center since I first moved here.....another dream I had growing up was working with young girls/women in unplanned pregnancies. I grew up valuing purity and strove for abstinence in my dating relationships (and lost a few boyfriends because of it) and also have a personal reason for my love of the ministry. I volunteered a few hours a week up until 6 1/2 years ago. It was the SAME week we were considering putting the girls in Christian school that I got a call from the Center asking if I would consider coming on staff part time. It was a true answer from the Lord as we were praying about additional income for private school and we were also reasearching adoption agencies. I told them I would do it UNTIL we brought home our child. That took 2 1/2 years and then they asked if I would work from home....I did but did also found I needed to spend a couple days in the office to be effective...so, that is what I have done since Hudson came home, honestly I work there more for the love of the Ministry then the $$..it is non-profit so....:) It is such a great work environment and family friendly so most days Hudson would come with me and he LOVES it there.
BUT, my boss and Executive Director had approached me a few times about taking over her position, HA!!!!! NO WAY...never even considered it. I saw the hours she worked, the HUGE job it was and mostly I didn't want to be away from the kids that much....I still had a little one. BUT....the night the Lord asked me if I was willing to be radical here...after my shock I knew EXACTLY what that meant....and I told NO ONE...not even Mark.....I just prayed...and the more I prayed the more I KNEW...and I was SCARED.....gosh, scared for so many reasons. Working FULL time when I had been a stay at home mom for 18 years?? HOW do you do that and still take care of your family? Hudson would be going to school in the fall so that took care of several hours but still. life would change....I was scared of being IT....the go to person, the decision maker, fundraiser, boss, having a board, conducting board meetings, public speaking, legislation...and on and on....the girls, our clients...that's the easy part. I had done that for years, counseling them concerning their options, crying with them, loving them, holding them accountable, the heart break when they choose to end their babies life (that never gets easy).....sharing Christ with them and the joy of seeing them come to know Him....hmmmm, sounds like the mission field to me!!!! I knew I was willing to put my kids on the mission field in a foreign land, where they would have to LIVE the life....and I knew this was the mission field they would partner with me in....because the way they live their lives and the choices THEY make...would reflect on me and would affect my position and the Center. SO IT WAS HUGE!!!!
Several weeks later (and I still had not shared with anyone, except maybe my friend Jenn)...what I believed he was asking of me, I was at work. It was the night of a board meeting and after the meeting two board members came to me and asked if they could speak to me....I KNEW what was coming and as I stood there and they asked if I would consider the position of Executive Director I had to NOT laugh out loud.......I tried not to look like I expected it and told them I would really have to think and pray about it....HA!!!!! SO, trying to make a really long story shorter.....I started the beginning of January in my new position. It has been almost a year of getting ready to step into my new role, I pretty much handled our entire banquet last fall...sheesh!!! BUT, it was one of our most succcesful ones (NO glory on my behalf ALL the Lord's).....I have SO much to learn and the story does continue from here...the MANY ways God still has to keep prodding me that this is the right thing for me and our family, how Mark fits in to the story and on and on. Last week was a TOUGH week...my first little, or maybe BIG "I can't do this breakdowns"....It has been a stressful week with clients, I had just written my first budget for the board, a few other issues had arose and I topped it off Friday night with seeing OCTOBER BABY (PLEASE go if you haven't seen it) with my small group. I crawled into bed feeling emotionally exhausted and ill-equpped for the mission. I asked the Lord for something.....something to keep me going and to let me know it was worth it....I woke up Saturday morning and thought I would check facebook before I hit the ground running (Cheer fundraiser to work at with Kailee and then a 2 1/2 hour drive for her gymnastics meet...do you know HOW LONG gymnastics meets are?? 5-6 hours..then a late night drive home, Mark was out of town so I was flying solo). This was the first post I saw:
Just saw "October Baby." Great movie and would encourage everyone to see it. So proud of my mom for her work at the Pregnancy Care Center and the way that she honors God with her work and always seeks after him in the decisions that she makes while loving on those women. So blessed to have amazing, graceful, God-fearing, and loving parents. Honored to be their son. Love you guys — with Sharon Tollefson Teague and Mark Teague.
A sweet "your going to be ok and keep going" from the Lord..And so....God is with me...this is what ALL THE YEARS of my "training" were for and I know that I know that I know that this is what He called me to do...this is my mission field and I do love my job....It keeps me ever dependent on Him. It all makes sense now and I am so very grateful and humbled that He thinks I can do this.. I still pray for my little Anya in China....I still have hopes that when things settle down (wrong mind set right there)..that we can add at least one more to our family and if not....He is STILL Faithful!!!!!