Why my blog is now private....

Tuesday I came home to drop off kids on the one of two days I work and we found our house had been broken into. Not much was taken, a big screen TV, some of Jordan's xbox games and dvd's and our two lap tops. I have a new Mac..(christmas present) ....GRRR!!...and on it has all of our family pictures, the girls pictures and our blog is bookmarked at the top. I am typically not a worrier and at first it didn't bother me too much. The night after the break in I woke up panicked about the girls. I know myself enough to know when I have a "check" about something to pay attention to it so I quickly closed down the blog. Since I have no access to internet except thru phone and work I have waited until I was able to get to my office to send this out.
We really feel like these guys were interrupted and left before they were finished...the girls room is in the back of the house they hadn't touched it except for unpugging their TV...they left a duffel bag in our room empty but with several things on the floor as if they were going to put them in there (A brand new Ipod unopened for my SIL who had her cancer surgery yesterday, a family ring my mom left me, etc.), they hadn't gone thru all the drawers in our room yet...

We have neighbors who have survellience cameras and the cameras did catch them walking down the street, standing out in front of our house a few minutes then one disappearing around the back where they busted down the back door, followed a couple minutes later by the second guy. The camera's also caught a pick up pulling in our driveway and then backing out as if they turned around which happens often...people turning around in our driveway....We think this is what scared them off.

I  do intend to keep blogging altought it may be without pictures for awhile....Sunday I am flying to Charleston with friends and Tuesday am going to be able to spend time with Jennifer & Abby Grace...Jin Jin from Hudson's orphanage...his first and very dear friend, sure wish I was taking him with me. Madi is in DC right now on a school trip and she just celebrated her 15 b'day...I still haven't put our 2nd Gotcha Day pictures up.....SO much to catch up on.

We don't do banking on our home computers so we aren't worried about that but the kids did have projects/homework on them. Jordan just turned in a huge research paper. It was completed but they are having do do revisions so it will just need to all be typed again. Bummer, but at least it was finished and printed out. THANKFULLY a short time ago I finally backed up all of our China pictures and all the last pictures of my mom from our winter/spring there last year. I had NEVER done this but learned after our last computer crashed so I am grateful I have those things. Although they messed things up by tearing apart drawers they didn't break things which I am also so grateful for...I LOVE pottery and my mom had give me several pieces from my favorite potter..she also had made me several things (beautiful quilts, wall hangings) they could have destroyed so again, things could have been much worse. My dad has also made several pieces of furniture for us and once again, they didn't destroy things.

 I ask you to pray for us. We feel like since we have come home with Hudson things have been nothing but "hard". Not with Hudson, he is absolutely wonderful and worth every other thing but we are a bit worn out.

First, financially we have really been hit and we can't quite figure out why. We tithe, we are not extravagant spenders, we live very modestly. We pretty much cleaned out all we had to get him home, take all the kids and surgeries. Of course we have had unexpected medical bills with two ambulance rides, his whole sieizure stuff, extra specialists, tests, etc. My mom's cancer diagnosis, then my SIL (who is doing great btw).

I mentioned a few months ago that Kailee is leaving TCS and another change and that would be Jordan. Jordan LOVED living in MN and has begged to go back since. After MUCH prayer for a year, we have decided to let him finish his sr. year in MN. It was a very hard decision not made lightly but we both feel at peace with it. Jordan will be 18 in June and we held him back when we went from homeschooling to TCS...he was a young 6th grader and small and although academically is a great student we felt in the long run this would be better for him. That means he would be graduating and going off to college in the fall so all of the things that were concerns we would have been facing anyway had we not held him back...basically, letting your first born go....he is actually doing a whole extra year of school since he repeated a grade when we enrolled him at TCS...he is pretty ready to be out from under us...just has that itch. We are excited to see what God will do in the Jordan's life and the lives of his friends in MN. they have become dear boys to our family and we know that we will have relationships with them and possibly their famlies for years to come and hopefully for eternity. All that said...I am entering the last month of my boy at home. I see the bond he and Hudson have now and I am sad for both of them...Hudson will ask to sleep in his room at night, etc..Jordan is very protective of him and it is so sweet to watch. Jordan is also feeling it and as with a boy turning man he has had stress with SAT's, college choices, career choices. It is very likely he will end up going to college in MN so I feel like he will be gone forever....he is working in MN this summer so he leaves as soon as school is out. I am sad to be missing out on all his sr year stuff...I will SO miss watching him play soccer which has been his love (three state trips and the last I didn't see as they lost in the finals just as my mom was taking her final breaths on this earth). He is wanting to play football (Kick) in MN and BB and it will be painful to not be able to watch all of those activities. Especially when I see the boys he grew up with here doing all those things but "In The Light Of Eternity"...it is nothing.....

We have really made some "Crazy Love"..(based on the book which has changed our lives)...decisions and one is deciding not to move out of our 2100 foot, 3 br house BUT moving the girls into our VERY LARGE master br, taking their small br and moving Hudson to Jordan's room when he leaves. Up until now Hudson has stayed in our room. This has worked fine but he will be 5 in the fall and needs to not be sleeping with us (although he is not in our bed)...we need it too!!! Anyway, we feel burdened to give away more and pay off debt and didn't want to increase our house payment. We did want more room for the girls and their friends. Kailee is going to public school in the fall and we hope she will be bringing home girls we could love on and minister to. I am seeing so many 7 and 8th grade girls that are prgt and wanting STD testing at the center , coming from very different situations than my kids know. We just want a place the kids can have kids over to hang out. We have also started talking adoption again BUT since we began all of this we feel like money is less and less. We are on the verge of frustration but also know 1. FAITH is what it is all about (not just adoption, life in general). 2. We live in a fallen, sinful world and stuff like cancer, death, sickness, robberies, etc just happen. We don't feel attacked by Satan or tested by God (not even sure if that is scriptural)....we know life is about living it in a way that reflects Him and doing what He asks...we truly feel like we have more orphans to care for (and just started sponsering two)...my heart ACHES to have one more little girl...feeling Anja is still out there and yet...we are met with road block after road block. I do know that we have time...maybe next year, maybe the next and I am willing to be patient (again, I waited 15 years for Hudson) but I just want to run the race with endurance and not let the situations around us get us down...knowing He is bigger than it all, He works all things together for good and He is building our character...(We also made the decision NOT to buy a new car and keep our Expedition and pay it off. So,,a month later we  sunk $36OO into it due to two different situations, just got it back last week.  . This was money we had set aside for getting Jordan a car which he will need when in MN.

SO...there you have it...I just ask that you pray for the kids. They are still a little freaked out...due to the help of our neighbors and my very motivated criminal justice, lawyer husaband  we have the names of the two guys who broke in..they were questioned but probably won't be arrested (don't get it, our TV was in one of the guys apts ....) but it will really bother the kids knowing nothing will happen to them legally. They also feel unsafe. We truly, truly feel that this is the home we are suppose to be in. We want it to be a safe haven for our own kids and others so we pray that they will feel that....

I watched Francis Chan's interview about leaving his church in Simi Valley recently...he said "I wasn't staying heavenly minded"....I LOVE that and pray God will do whatever He needs to do in our lives to keep us "heavenly minded"....this is not our home!!!!

and 13 makes three...

....teenagers that is.  It is hard to believe that my baby girl is 13 today.  We will be heading to Dallas after school today with one of Kailee's best friends who turns 13 next week to celebrate teenage style.  Dinner out (PF CHANGS??), shopping, nails, a movie and a night in a hotel  A fun girl night with the girls and Katie's mom.  

We are especially thankful today as we think back on my Memorial Box Monday post.  Life is SO precious and we were reminded of that again last night..BUT..today we are grateful our kids are healthy and here to celebrate!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAILEE ELIZABETH....WE LOVE YOU!!!!!

Asking for Prayer Again.....

I hope this finds all of you having a Blessed Easter.  We are enjoying having my niece Abby here and her boyfriend Justin, visiting from MN.

We are also praying for my sister-in-law Amy and my brother Bob.  Amy was diagnosed with cancer last week.  She had a good report Friday after her CT scan and we are praying for good news tomorrow as she has a ultrasound to determine what stage she is at.    Amy finished nursing school last spring and was a huge help to us in caring for my mom this fall.   Please visit her sight and let her know you are praying for her and her family.  Her daughter Grace and Hudson are buddies and we again wish we lived closer to help more.  Love you Bob, Amy, Luke & Grace!!!

www.caringbridge.org/visit/amytollef

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